It’s the end of 2012 already? Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, egghead. It seems like only a few months ago when I was watching the first trailer of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (and shitting fucking Lego bricks), and still knee deep in a new little game called Skyrim (a game where my aspiration was to execute Aerin in the most horrific...

My belly was full on turkey, stuffing, sprouts, and mead from the halls of Jorrvaskr in Skyrim. I slammed on the TV to be greeted by Waterworld starring Kevin Costner. I love Waterworld. Say what you will about it, but I think it’s first class entertainment. It stars Kevin Costner and Dennis Hopper for christ sake. I mean, I pretty much consider it Mad Max 4: Aqua Warrior. Prime source material for an open world game, may I add. So I’m sitting there enjoying my post-Christmas fallout and the phone rings. I have one of those red phones like Batman had in the old 60s TV show. It glows red. It makes me feel extremely important. I answer it and it’s Joseph and Shane. They rarely talk to me seeing as they live in the high rise TGL building while I’m segregated to the basement. The TGL skyscraper is a thing of beauty, I must say. Remember the scene in Back to the Future 2 where Marty and the Doc stumble into the alternative 1985? You know, the one with the huge building owned by Biff Tannen. It’s like that but instead of Biffs face on the front it’s Joe and Shane’s. So here they are calling me. Something must be up, I thought. Why are the big wigs calling me? They explained they wanted my thoughts on 2011 in the gaming world. “I’ll see what I can do”, I remarked, “I’m a pretty busy guy” I said as I flipped through my empty, dusty Extreme Ghostbusters calendar (circa 1999).

In 2000 the majority of my waking hours were devoted to playing WWF Smackdown on the Playstation. I’d sit there for hours and hours creating characters, brutally beating Gangrel or just bouncing off the ropes all the while stuffing my face full of delicious chocolate Wagon Wheels (not the jam filled ones though, never liked them). You see, the first Smackdown was great but the second, the second was perfect- smoother gameplay, better character creation mode and a more in-depth storyline which all made for a great experience. But since then something went wrong, terribly wrong.

We’re huge Mass Effect fans, in fact we recently awarded it the Game of the Year award 2010, and man does it deserve it. Roughly 6 months ago, resident weekly

Hello, dear readers, Retroplayer here. It begins. The battle of the year, no, strike that, the century begins. Both will battle but only one will taste sweet sweet victory as if it was sweat poured from Patrick Stewarts armpit directly into a jewel encrusted golden goblet hand crafted by Harrison Ford himself . Fanboys will cry, cheer and refresh many a web page in anticipation. Yes, dear readers, the battle of Kinect vs Move begins. Beware. Lets take a look at how Microsoft, Sony and us gamers fit into the equation.

Fanboys. Or should I spell that as Fanboiz? You know, all hip and shit. You see them everywhere online nowadays. They’re on forums, youtube, blogs and about any internet avenue you can possibly imagine. It’s like a plague of stupidity that could surely only exist on the internet. Yup. Only inside the depths of the internet, below the bowls of common sense it breeds like an animal waiting to strike.

The major news from E3 has come and gone and the internet is buzzing with news that is both shocking and exciting. As we speak fanboys are fighting, flaming and are at each others throats across the internet. The Xbox fanboys say Gabe Newell sold out, the Sony fanboys are denouncing the Kinect while the Nintendo fanboys, well, they’re keeping to themselves actually. Fanboys, yes, fanboys are furiously posting on message boards across the internet to vent their opinion on what just went down over the last few days. However, for most of us sane gamers we can now view it all with a clear head. So, without further ado here’s how I feel about E3 2010. Oh and feel free to give your own opinions on each news conference in the comments below! I really want to hear your thoughts on what happened, guys!

Seeing as the last list was so popular and the fact that I don’t have my shit together this week to do a real article (Great interviews coming up!) I thought I’d go ahead and put together my list of the top 10 gaming badasses. First off, if you happen by this article and expect the likes of Markus from Gears of War, Masterchief from Halo or Sephiroth from FFVII to be here this article isn’t for you. Don’t get me wrong, the Master Chief is indeed a complete badass but I’d like to pop together a list that isn’t too predictable. On every list on the web you see the same old characters. So I’m hoping this will be different-ish. So drop your eyes below and enjoy.

In the previous article I talked about the Sonic 3 and Michael Jackson connection. Well, by that point it was merely speculation but that soon changed and while the issue is still not carved in stone as to what exactly Michael Jackson did on Sonic 3 fans who followed this story found somewhat of a satisfactory end. Sadly though, this “truth” only came out after Michal Jackson passed away. It may always be up in the air. It may always be a gaming holy grail that remains illusive and most likely unobtainable. Still, as for proof of his involvement for now this is the best we’ll probably ever get.

Here’s an interesting little game here, dear readers. It’s a Japanese style RPG developed in the west. At a quick glance it looks and feels like Final Fantasy VII- prerendered backgrounds, chunky 3d models and items that look exactly like materia and even have that quick sparkly animation, you know the one. It just feels like FFVII. But rather than it being an identical twin of FFVII it does make its own mark with a superb story, some pretty nifty dialogue and a soundtrack that is immense as it is impressive. This is one to check out, for sure.

It’s that time again, folks. It’s time for a stroll down the darkest regions of memory lane. It’s that place you want to forget, the place where dreams where promised but dashed right in front of your eyes. The place your mother warned you about a place that has that old book smell and feels like a wet cat. Here’s two games that I quite literally feel ill at the thought of- Night Trap and Bart vs The Space Mutants. Two games that conjure up so many unwanted thoughts and feelings that I wish I never came into contact with them. They rubbed off on me and some things just can’t be unseen or unplayed. This is Gaming Horrors #2.

Global Defence Force, developed by Sandlot for the PS2, is an obscure game that like all great obscure games received critical praise only to be kicked in the ghoulies by dismal commercial success. The story is simple. As part of the “Global Defence Force” you must protect earth from giant creatures that threaten our survival. Through 71 missions set in the main capitals of the world with a choice of two very different characters you battle your way through hordes or ants, legions of flying saucers, gangs of walking Tripods and a few Godzilla rip-offs for good measure. Added to that awesomness is the fact that every level you play in is fully destructible. It’s simple, big, loud, sometimes absurd but always fun.

Sentient, developed by Psygnosis in 1997 for the Playstation and PC, is a game that both impresses and frustrates me in equal measure. It’s a game that I love but it’s a love that I had to actively work on. Sentient, for its time but even in some ways now still, is a hugely ambitious project in gaming. Think about it, the sheer idea of a first person RPG action adventure is pretty out there but for the PS1? It shouldn’t work. On paper it must have been a hard game to sell as it really shouldn’t work at all. However, in some ways it doesn’t work but somehow the rough edges can be overlooked to reveal what truly is an intelligent, engrossing, excellently structured and hugely enjoyable gem of the PS1 era.

As a kid the idea of Santa Claus disturbed me a bit. Even though I knew the guy was leaving me free toys he was still coming down the chimney, invading our home and eating our food. For all we knew he might have come upstairs with an elf crafted shiv and killed us all while we slept. Of course in the news it’d read as a simple murder but that’s the point, that’s how he’d get away with it! And if they did suspect him of murder who would arrest him? Back then I was convinced he was some kind of magical being so surely you couldn’t technically keep locked up? Even if you did would his worldwide child supporters spring him loose? GAH! As a kid my mind raced through all these possibilities during Christmas Eve night. But all that didn’t matter really. As a kid what mattered to me is what the chump would leave under the tree for me. And one Christmas was particularly pleasing.

So I’m walking down a street and at the end of a walkway there’s a giant face. It’s mouth is open and the walkway I’m on goes directly into it. It’s face is psychedelically coloured and it watches me as I get closer to it. As I get closer music begins to play. I enter the mouth and the dream is over. That was one of my first experiences playing LSD. Interested?